You want 24/7 so bad you can taste it. You fantasize over and over what you think living as a slave will be like. You know it will be better than living alone. Besides, serving a master or mistress will rescue you from an unhappy life.
Whoa! If those are your motivations for plunging into 24/7, better take another look.
Yes, we all want a special relationship, and to us kinky folks, a BDSM relationship is particularly alluring. Because of the romanticized thoughts that often cloud perceptions of the 24/7 lifestyle, it's easy to forget that these relationships are lived, not in some wonderful leather and chain-lined world, but in the often mundane minutes and hours of real life. Like any healthy relationship, 24/7 is about being present to and accepting of the other, about sharing not just the fun, but also the everyday work and problems that come along.
Moving in with the dominant of your dreams wouldn't be a panacea for all your accumulated life problems. In fact, the master/slave dynamic kicks relationship issues up by several notches and will probably bring long suppressed problems to the surface. The primary motivation for living as a 24/7 slave can't be any peripheral or self-indulgent reason either. Anyone who thinks their master will really end up loving them too much to demand things, or that he will only require a few weeks of slavery as a test before things return to "normal", is setting themselves up for gut-wrenching failure.
So are you ready for 24/7? Ask yourself these key
questions. 1. Do You Burn To Serve?
Take time to identify your motivation for living a 24/7 master/slave relationship. If it's primarily to give of yourself and serve, you're on the right track. But if the motivation is to satisfy a fetish, or you're certain everything in your life will be better if you just have a collar, or you see it as a way to get spanked every night, your need isn't for a 24/7 relationship. You might want and need a part-time BDSM relationship that satisfies kinky needs, but you certainly do not need a 24/7 master/slave relationship.
2. Are You Ready To Give Up Yourself?
How selfless are you anyway? You will fetch and do for your master or mistress every single day. As a 24/7 slave, your life is going to change and not just for a few weeks. A master isn't going to yell "April Fools! I only wanted kinky sex." Control of personal preference and free time will be gone -- behaviors and even how you speak or think may be subject to change. Many people delude themselves into thinking slavery is only about getting flogged or erotic activity. The reality is, most of the service has little to do with eroticism. Like the process of turning gold ore into a glittering collar, your sense of purpose, accountability, dedication, selflessness and willingness to change are purified by ongoing submission, crafted by your master's rules and discipline, and burnished by the daily living out of the power exchange. This is a lifestyle choice for the selfless and the committed.
3. Are You At A Stable Place In Your Life?
Your life needs to be under control before you go 24/7, because your energies must shift to serving your master or mistress. In order to make that change, your psychological, emotional, financial, career, health and family worlds must all be stable and steady. If your life is currently buffeted by a major change or crisis, this is not the time to move in together.
The stress of coping with your crisis and making the transition to full-time slavery will probably end up sabotaging the relationship. Wait until the crisis has passed before making the move. If you have obligations you can't let go, waiting six months or a year would be a better choice. When I met master, I was in the midst of treatment for cancer. We used that time to deepen our relationship and plan our future.
When I was free of the stress and physical debilitation, I could shift from "patient mode" to being a slave and was ready to go 24/7. Our relationship was better for the wait. For the leap to 24/7, you must be personally together so your energies can focus on your new relationship and coping with the changes your master will require.
4. Have You Discussed Everything With Your Master Or Mistress?
Before you move in, you need to discuss everything: finances, children and other family responsibilities, health issues, emotional problems and career issues. Any problems must absolutely be brought to your master's attention. Waiting until after you are together three months and then having a barrage of calls and letters from a collection agency is not the time to admit you're significantly in debt. Not only is hiding a long-standing problem unethical, doing so will damage the trust between you. Problems are not necessarily relationship deal-breakers if they are known about in advance and planned for.
5. Have You Had Ongoing Real Life BDSM Experience?
This may be the most important requirement. If your only experience with BDSM has been in chat rooms or email discussion groups, do not go directly to a 24/7 relationship. Do not let virtual BDSM seduce you into thinking the virtual experience is enough. Nothing could be further from the truth. You must experience BDSM in the flesh before you can even begin to consider 24/7.
If your only experience with BDSM is peripheral, i.e. you've scened with a few dominants and gone to a few munches, you aren't ready for a 24/7 relationship either. In order to make an informed, responsible decision regarding 24/7, it's vital to have experienced serving someone on an ongoing basis. Take the time to know what it's like to be collared, to have rules and limitations put on your daily life, and to be subject to a master's discipline first. Not every BDSM relationship has to be forever.
Experiencing a short-term service relationship is an excellent way to know if your need is for 24/7. Taking Stock If you answered "yes" to all five questions, then you might just be ready to plunge into a wonderful full-time relationship. If you can't answer in the affirmative yet, then step back and get yourself together.
If your master or mistress wants you for the right reasons, they will understand, and probably encourage and help you deal with the issues. Ultimately, the wait will be worth the sacrifice, because getting your life under control, understanding your needs and experiencing real life BDSM service will build a foundation for a more stable, more fulfilling 24/7 relationship.
by kharita
Reprinted with permission © D/s Seekers
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